I have never made any decision on having sex – Tale of a Young mother
Posted on: 21st November, 2023 By: Jane (Not real name) 8 min readIf I could turn back time, I would go with my mother to the village because leaving me behind was a turning point in my life.
It was a normal day when mom was cooking, she received a call from her village informing her that they had lost a relative. She prepared and left me with my young siblings, and my father. We were renting in a small space and our sleeping area was a section of the sitting room.
Two days after my mother was gone, I came back from the outside bathroom and my father asked me to get him some water which was near the sleeping area. I was in a towel and he followed behind me and then said that, “Jane (not real name) you are now grown up, you have to do what grown up people do”. I never knew what he meant, but I did not feel easy. I looked left and right but I couldn’t find my way out because the house was small for one to hide in. He slapped me and took off my towel and started defiling me. I saw a lot of blood, and felt alot of pain in my private parts. I could not walk properly and I stayed in the house. A day later, he brought me some medicine and I just swallowed but I didn’t know the purpose. I was 15 years old.
My mother returned after a few days, but because she is tough, I never told her anything. I never knew who to tell, it hurt me alone. He told me that to pay my school fees, “you have to sleep with me every time you come to get that money”. He continued abusing me, and giving me tablets, again and again; sometimes when my mother and siblings are somewhere in the house. For example, if they are watching TV, and I got out to the bathroom, he would find me there. Sometimes he would wait for my mum to go to work, and send my siblings to do something or take something to someone – At some point, I became numb. After sometime, I started smelling very badly, like a dead dog! I could not take it anymore; I told my boyfriend who was trying to court me at that time. He helped me to find a hospital, and paid my hospital bills. At the hospital, the health workers asked but I could not speak so I heard them saying that I must be sleeping around with boys and I am not very hygienic. I let them think what they wanted, I just wanted treatment.
My boyfriend rented a room where I stayed while I was on treatment because I was worried about what my mother would think if she saw the medication. When I finished the treatment, I went back home and the man defiled me again. To date, I still wonder if that man is my real biological father. I decided to give up on school and packed all my things and left home without telling anyone. I went to the place my boyfriend had rented. He found me in tears but I could not get myself to tell him that it happened again. I just told him that I left home with all my things, and he moved in with me, and took care of me. We stayed together for one month before he tried to have sex with me. I did not object because it was the only way I thought to express my gratitude for everything he had done for me. That one time is when I got pregnant, and I knew that he would not allow me to remove it so I told him that I wanted to go home.
My mother quickly noticed that I was pregnant and asked me to tell her who was responsible but I didn’t. She would abuse me every day, and call a meeting sometimes to embarrass me in front of everyone. After sometime, she couldn’t stand me being at home so she sent me to stay with a relative, and there I tried to remove the pregnancy but failed. I later had a premature baby who is now a healthy child that I still struggle to relate with because he is a constant reminder of a story I badly want to forget. I have cried, I have been counselled, I have listened to other stories, and this is my way to speak to my perpetrator and to all of you readers to remain keen about the wellbeing of your children.
I thank the Centering Marginal Voices (CMV) project for creating an opportunity for young mothers to speak their truths in a safe space.
End Sexual Violence against Women and Girls.
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